Things I Call Biphobia

Published in Annie’s Mailbox:

DEAR ANNIE: I met my husband in college. He was outgoing, handsome and a star athlete. We now have two beautiful babies and, I thought, a perfect marriage.

A month ago, we had dinner with a couple we’ve known for years. One of them said something about “bisexuals,” to which I replied, “There is no such thing. You are either gay or straight.” Everyone looked uncomfortable.

The next day, my husband told me that he is bisexual. He said he’d had a relationship with another man in college before he met me. But he reassured me that I had nothing to worry about because he loves me and has no desire to be with anyone else of either sex.

Annie, I wish he’d never told me. I’ve been upset ever since. I believe my husband when he says he is not interested in anyone else, but I have to ask, is there really such a thing as “bisexual?” My sister says that is just what people claim before they come out as gay. And second, how can I trust my husband when he kept this secret from me for so long?

Please don’t suggest counseling. My husband says there is nothing to “change” about him, although he says he will go if I insist. I just want to turn back the clock so I can think of my husband the way I did before. — Confused Wife

Ideally, I think people should come out to partners early in the relationship in order to figure this out well in advance. But, prejudice against bisexual people exists. And that means some people are going to be reluctant to come out, and some people might not figure it out until well into the relationship.

On the plus side, Oriasha Edwards finally won UK asylum after a ridiculous legal struggle. However Aderonke Apata still faces deportation because lesbians never have children according to the court.


Bi Stuff: CDC, Amandla Stenberg, and Rose Uscianowski

CNN reports on results from the CDC National Survey of Family Growth (2011-2013). Of course, if it bleeds, it leads, so the headline is that bisexuality is “on the rise” without looking at the fact that bisexuality was defined in two different ways for men and women.

Hunger Games star, Amandla Stenberg came out as bisexual on Teen Vogue’s snapchat.

Bi activist Rose Uscianowski confronted Republican candidate Ben Carson with the line, “do you think I chose to be gay?”

Why This Bisexual Is Staying In The LGBT Community

Comics: WicDiv #17

So, The Wicked and the Divine #17. Ananke has been the orchestrator of events for the Pantheon, and I’m more and more convinced that she’s engaged in some kind of long con that involves giving impressionable teenagers magical powers and a ready-made secret identity.

wicdiv_0017 copy

Link Roundup: Depressing Edition

Necrokitty Comic Sans | Hannah Chutzpah

Dear pet crematorium
I never knew my cat could speak English
If I’d known she understood me
I’d’ve called her nicer things
Than Munchkin, Fuzzbutt and Bastardface

Lady Gaga Opens Up About Her Rape — The Cut

“I didn’t tell anyone for I think seven years,” Gaga said. “I didn’t know how to think about it. I didn’t know how to accept it. I didn’t know how not to blame myself, or think it was my fault. It was something that really changed my life. It changed who I was completely. It changed my body.”

Depression Is Teaming Up With HIV to Kill Black Gay Men. Can We Stop It? |

Craigwell sees becoming HIV-positive as an expression of black gay male depression: “The stigma, the discrimination, and the homophobia from the community causes an individual to descend into depression where he no longer cares about himself and he contracts HIV as a passive form of suicide.”

‘He’s Not Done Killing Her’: Why So Many Trans Women Were Murdered in 2015

“Killing is an act of power,” she explained. “[It is] a way of reasserting domination, even a way of saying, ‘I am the one who decides who lives and dies.’ So killing establishes the killer as sovereign in the moment that he kills, and that is the most toxic form that masculinity can take.”

Link Roundup and Videos

David Tennant on Jessica Jones

“Most of the characters are female and three of them are gay, which doesn’t define their storyline. After the fact you sort of realize that we had a lot of female personnel, also behind the camera,” he said. “Obviously we want to get to a stage where we don’t notice and it doesn’t matter. But clearly it’s still, unfortunately, rare enough that women make up 50 percent of the cast and executive teams and that’s something we remark upon. But if that’s why it’s a good show, then clearly it’s something we need to do more of.”

Nikki Hagen forced to resign from student ministry volunteer post

After Hagan assured him that her sexual orientation would not interfere with her ability to coordinate speakers for the group, she says she was told: “We regret to inform you that you are forced to resign from your position as message coordinator.”

“Forced to resign?”

Frank Oz staying in character through take after take of prop failure

Jessica Leigh Lebos, Don’t Call Us a War Zone

There is no doubt that we are in the midst of a bloody and brutal struggle. We are angry and traumatized. But after I saw a friend’s Facebook plea that we stop calling it a “war zone,” I have to agree.

In these times of subjective discourse, language—and literality—is more important than ever. War only begets more violence. War breaks the spirit.

In the words of General Sherman—the man who deemed Savannah too lovely to burn—war is hell.

I don’t want to live in hell. Do you?

For some, it’s probably easier to believe that the answer to the jacked–up violence is as simple as ridding ourselves of “the enemy.” Except that Savannah is not under attack from some foreign force.

Silpa Kovvali, Gender-neutral language should be the norm, not the exception

If the singular they is not prohibitively confusing, it’s unclear why its use ought to be limited to cases where the subject’s gender identity doesn’t fit neatly into a binary. Instead, we ought to revert to the gender neutral “they” whenever gender is not explicitly relevant. Least of all because, if the goal is greater inclusion, limiting the use of the singular they to these cases doesn’t even have the desired effect.