Things I Call Biphobia

Published in Annie’s Mailbox:

DEAR ANNIE: I met my husband in college. He was outgoing, handsome and a star athlete. We now have two beautiful babies and, I thought, a perfect marriage.

A month ago, we had dinner with a couple we’ve known for years. One of them said something about “bisexuals,” to which I replied, “There is no such thing. You are either gay or straight.” Everyone looked uncomfortable.

The next day, my husband told me that he is bisexual. He said he’d had a relationship with another man in college before he met me. But he reassured me that I had nothing to worry about because he loves me and has no desire to be with anyone else of either sex.

Annie, I wish he’d never told me. I’ve been upset ever since. I believe my husband when he says he is not interested in anyone else, but I have to ask, is there really such a thing as “bisexual?” My sister says that is just what people claim before they come out as gay. And second, how can I trust my husband when he kept this secret from me for so long?

Please don’t suggest counseling. My husband says there is nothing to “change” about him, although he says he will go if I insist. I just want to turn back the clock so I can think of my husband the way I did before. — Confused Wife

Ideally, I think people should come out to partners early in the relationship in order to figure this out well in advance. But, prejudice against bisexual people exists. And that means some people are going to be reluctant to come out, and some people might not figure it out until well into the relationship.

On the plus side, Oriasha Edwards finally won UK asylum after a ridiculous legal struggle. However Aderonke Apata still faces deportation because lesbians never have children according to the court.